A little hurt, a little sad, a little despair, a little insane, a little annoyed, a little frustrating, a little resigned, a little voice in my head which says "maybe you deserved a little better than this"

-yours truly. :)

Very very nervous about what's gonna happen tomorrow. I'm just not good at interviews and I dont't know what to say, and what is appropriate to say.

Why.

Oh my god.

I'm seriously freaking out here. What should I do now. Sigh.

Was browsing through stomp when I saw this post whch says like how adults see things and how kids see things. And just suddenly I felt an overwhelming of love rushing up my head. I'm not those enthusiastic kids lover but I don't hate them (except those rude annoying irritating brats who are impolite and don't listen to me well they deserve a knock on their head but well lets not go further before I forget why I had this impulse to blog.) But anyway the pics are adorable because when I was a kid, I view those things the same way too! And it's cute when I think back, so maybe tml I'll attempt with darling jaydon. Hehe <3

Im typing this with swollen puffy eyes now. It's because I just saw this YouTube video, of a baby girl who only lived 7months and 3days. She would be around 3 years going on to 4 years old if she's alive now. Diagnosed with some illness which I don't know cux the subtitle is in Chinese, I could only see how the poor baby suffered. Babies have no knowledge of anything, they could only rely on how they feel. So I cannot imagine how to not know anything and yet to go to the hospital constantly for surgeries and all those things which will hurt me. I cried when I watch the video. It is so heart wrenching that I suddenly felt a fierce loe towards this baby who I nvr met and now, I'll have no chance of meeting. A strong instinct to protect her, to cuddle her, sing her songs, kiss her, pat her, carry her, telling her that she will be okay, giving her strength to live on.

My biggest wishes now, cuz I have many many big wishes, is for everyone whom I cared for to be healthy and happy. Note, healthy . It doesn't matters if there are quarrels because as long as we are still living healthily, quarrels can be resolved. I rather things happen to me instead of to my dearest love ones. Another big wish is to get into uni, though it's more of like a wish on behalf of my parents but I really do want to do them proud so I make it my wish too.

May guanyinma bless everyone around me. I love all of you, and I mean really deep love.

Oh yea. Very traumatized by next week ntu interview. Why can't I be accepted straight away? :(

Getting way emotional over here that I think it's gonna freak me out.

Every day is a bad hair day. :(

Just feel that if you had plans with your friends for the whole day, you would never spend a single second missing me. Much less than ask me out. That's not what I'm seeking for in a relationship.

Is that what really happens in a relationship? I don't think so.

It's like, your friends are more impt. For them you can wake up early and well idk, do alot for them. I just feel so... Speechless.

How long can I hold.

Argh.

Felt like camwhoring. There's like millions of camwhore shots in my lappy. So much so that I'll pity the person who steal my laptop.

Next time you point your finger, I'll point you to the mirror.

-- Paramore, Playing God

I feel that no matter how hard I tried to balance it out, it seems in everyone's eyes that I still failed.

Why can't people just accept me like I am, understand that I am not known for voicing or expressing out what I'e thought, that I am a passive person and not those kind who will initiate any stuff.

I'm like this. All these little changes are making me exhausted and sick and practically hates everyday.

I tried balancing out everything, but ppl want more and more from me. I only have so much time, with curfews and all, I only had 8 hours to spend for myself every single day. 8 freaking hours. I can't be like my friends, who can really spend 24 hours. Before I could really spend enough time with one person, I had to go. Worse than Cinderella.

Me, I like to get my fill of one person before I move on to the next. But that never seems to be the case for me.

This is just so frustrating. I'm angry at myself. For no reason.

I'm just gonna be back myself for this week. Not gonna going around trying to please everyone. Because in the end, not only does it pleases no one, it seriously pissed myself off.

Screw it. Yay.

It's just so hard to please everyone. I'm fucking tired.